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$149 for Zoom Teeth Whitening at Reston Town Center Dental ($799 Value)
The tooth fairy still rewards adults who keep their teeth nice, leaving grown-up gifts, such as issues of the Economist and Pontiac...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
One or Two Organic Acne, Pigmentation, or Anti-Aging Facials at Whole Health Medical Center in Alexandria (Up to 55% Off)
Like the three branches of government, bodies, minds, and souls often find themselves in contentious disagreement over how much wine is too much...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
$999 for Underarm-Perspiration-Reduction Treatment at Walker Plastic Surgery ($2,100 Value)
Three things can cause excess sweat: overheating, strenuous exertion, or nervousness about going for a run in a 100% wool bodysuit. Take care of...
Expires: 25th May 2012
Spa Package or One-Hour Therapeutic Massage at Blu Water Medi Spa Salon in Monroe (Up to 51% Off)
Without spas, terry-cloth bathrobes would have to make ends meet by taking part-time jobs as car-wash rags and Muppets. Help keep bathwear...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
Four Laser Tattoo-Removal Sessions on a 1"x1", 2"x2", or 4"x4" Area at Beauty and Health Institute (Up to 94% Off)
Spa technicians use lasers to remove tattoos from the body, just as NASA scientists use lasers to remove Soviet flags from the surface of the...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
Six Laser Hair Removal at Red Bamboo Medi Spa in Clearwater (Up to 83% Off). Choice of Treatment Area.
Hair removal gives shiftless lasers a creative outlet during their spare time, which would otherwise be spent harassing cats and blinding the...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
60- or 90-Minute Swedish Massage at Natural Healing Massage & Wellness (Up to 56% Off)
The shoulders carry much of the body’s tension, as well as the body’s finite supply of shrugs. Let go with this Groupon. Choose...
Expires: 24th May 2012
Six Laser Hair-Removal Treatments on Small, Medium, or Large Area at Coastal Medical of East Greenwich (Up to 81% Off)
Without lasers, people would have to rely on such archaic hair-removal methods as using a straight razor or condemning each hair to death by tiny...
Expires: 23rd May 2012
Mani-Pedi or Haircut with Highlights and Optional Manicure at Christina's Salon & Boutique in Jeannette (Up to 53% Off)
People choose their nail-polish shade based on the season, their outfit, or their need to hide unnoticed inside a berry patch. Find a perfect...
Expires: 21st May 2012
$49 for a Dental-Care Package with Optional Take-Home Whitening Kit at Towamencin Dentistry in Lansdale (88% Off)
A white smile improves your appearance by blinding others to your second head and compound eyes. Give ’em the ol’ razzle-dazzle with this...
Expires: 23rd May 2012
Swedish Massage or Signature Facial at Hand & Stone Massage and Facial Spa in Kennett Square (Up to 62% Off)
A professional spa treatment can put you completely at ease, much like a compliment from a four-star general. Relax under a trained touch with...
Expires: 23rd May 2012
Laser Hair-Removal Treatments at Palm Beach Medical in West Palm Beach (Up to 93% Off). Three Options Available.
Before being discovered by med spas, lasers were used exclusively for slicing turkeys during space Thanksgiving. Give thanks for lasers with this...
Expires: 23rd May 2012
10 or 20 Classes at Anuttara Yoga in Deerfield Beach (Up to 75% Off)
Yoga emphasizes seamless transition between poses, a skill set adopted by the Navy to teach cursive flag semaphore to its sailors. Spell out...
Expires: 21st May 2012
$45 for Five Barre Fitness Classes at barre54 ($105 Value)
Though sweat indicates a great workout, inward sweating denotes an athlete with true humility. Work off that second slice of humble pie with this...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
Two or Four 20-Minute Laser Spider-Vein Treatments at Medical Aesthetics of Red Bank (Up to 94% Off)
Veins were never meant to be seen, much like all of the exposed wiring on the back of the moon. Keep up appearances with this...
Expires: 23rd May 2012
Chiropractic Exam with Two or Four Adjustments at Baum Advanced Chiropractic in Morristown (89% Off)
Like the hand inside a sock puppet, the spine supports the body's every motion and keeps it from collapsing into a formless sack. Shape up with...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
5, 10, or 20 Fitness Classes at Andrea Powers Studio in West Milford (Up to 61% Off)
Working out is No. 2 on the list of most popular daily activities in America, behind teaching dogs to swear. Be your own best friend with this...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
Dental Exam, Digital X-Rays, and Cleaning with Invisalign Consultation at Smile Cafe (Up to 90% Off). Zoom! Teeth Whitening Option Also Available.
Like a pet tiger, a gleaming smile can impress friends, make enemies jealous, and allow one to effortlessly move past club bouncers. Get nonfeline...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
All-Access Day Pass with Optional Massage or Botox Treatment at Brooklyn Banya (Up to 67% Off)
Spa days trace their origins to the Middle Ages, when English aristocracy would travel to the hot springs in Bath to pamper themselves with mud...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
10 or 20 Classes at Elements Yoga in Bonita Springs (Up to 56% Off)
Inner peace is hard to come by, requiring complex negotiations between spleen and kidney. Find harmony more easily with this...
Expires: 21st May 2012
5 or 10 Yoga Classes at Synergy Yoga in Miami Beach (Up to 68% Off)
Sometimes our dreams are within reach, but more often, they are on the highest of high shelves, beside the BB gun and the cupcakes "for tomorrow."...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
Hair-Repair Package, Hair-Color Package, or Hair-Color Package with Manicure at Beauty Essence (Up to 77% Off)
Though it makes your hair look great, you can’t always stand in front of a jet turbine just after getting out of bed. Get styled with this...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
Kör Whitening Package or Full Invisalign Package at Your Shelbyville Dental Home (Up to 55% Off)
Dental cleaning involves a lot of tooth polishing and plaque removal, unlike professional boxing, which involves a lot of plaque polishing and...
Expires: 23rd May 2012
$44 for a 55-Minute Massage at Elements Therapeutic Massage in Smithtown ($89 Value)
Tension is often held in the shoulders, especially among those who are trying to blend in with society by binding their beautiful wings. Soar away...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
10 Zumba Classes or Unlimited Boot-Camp Classes at Totally Kickin' Fitness in South Glastonbury (Up to 75% Off)
Establishing a regular exercise routine is a great way to show your body you care and is much less painful than swallowing a greeting card....
Expires: 21st May 2012
One or Three 60-Minute Massages at Melissa Owens Skin Care and Massage at Shampoo Hair Salon (Up to 56% Off)
A sore back is often the result of days spent hunching over keyboards or playing catch with wet bags of flour. Get back in the game with this...
Expires: 21st May 2012
Haircut and Blowout or Manicure Spa Package with Hand, Foot, and Scalp Massage, at A Touch of Heaven (Up to 54% Off)
Although your body is a temple, covering yourself in bits of stained glass and swallowing thousands of candles has yet to be proved an effective...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
30-Day or Three-Month Gym-Membership Package with Personal Training and Tanning at Anytime Fitness (Up to 87% Off)
Going to the gym is a safe way to work out, unlike doing pull-ups on a streetlight or fighting public-disturbance charges. Lift lawfully with this...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
One or Two Months of Unlimited Boot-Camp Fitness Classes at The Training Pit (Up to 85% Off). Two Locations Available.
Thomas Edison declared that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, a fact he discovered while inventing the volcano. Work up a healthy...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
Spa Services at Tamara Spa + Wellness in Farmington Hills (Up to 68% Off). Four Options Available.
Spending a day at a spa is a tranquil experience surpassed only by swimming in a pool filled with mashed potatoes or having a hand model slap you...
Expires: 23rd May 2012
$29 for Pain Consultation and One-Hour Massage at Ohio Pain Solutions in Enon ($120 Value)
Without massages, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavyset...
Expires: 21st May 2012
$28 for a Home Teeth-Whitening Kit from Platinum Whites ($169.99 Value)
People with white teeth tend to smile more often, which can be the key to a winning first impression or a vault protected by a smile-recognition...
Expires: 24th May 2012
One- or Two-Year Health-Care Savings Card from SweetMD (Up to 60% Off)
Doctors advise against self-diagnosing serious medical conditions, no matter how clearly those purple spots seem to be spelling out "ice-cream...
Expires: 21st May 2012
10 or 20 Yoga Classes at The Bhakti Yoga Studio in South Euclid (Up to 75% Off)
Sun salutations keep our solar body from growing angry and burning libelous graffiti on the Hubble telescope. Maintain the cosmic balance with...
Expires: 22nd May 2012
One, Two, or Three Anti-Cellulite Body Wraps at Stags Family Wellness in Avon (Up to 65% Off)
Treating cellulite can cause dimples to vanish, much like telling Shirley Temple she isn't real. Smooth things over with this...
Expires: 21st May 2012
5 or 10 Pilates-Mat, Studio-Barre, or Yoga Group Classes at Core Studio Pilates & Yoga in Monroe (Up to 58% Off)
Like the framework of a mighty skyscraper, the core helps humans hold up the weight of the sky. Stay firm against the firmament with this...
Expires: 24th May 2012
$39 for One Anti-Aging Microcurrent Treatment at Beautiful Image Anti-Aging ($119 Value)
Love means never having to say you're sorry, but beauty means never having to pause at stoplights. Shift your appearance into fifth gear with...
Expires: 24th May 2012
Facial with Optional Aromatherapy Massage at New Glamour Day Spa in Warren (Up to 57% Off)
To attain the rosy glow of flushed cheeks, 18th-century ladies often spent all day outside building snowforts in order to catch deadly...
Expires: 23rd May 2012
Laser Hair Removal on a Small, Medium, or Large Area at Moksha Spa & Wellness Center in Methuen (Up to 91% Off)
Spa technicians use lasers to remove hair from the body, just as NASA scientists use lasers to remove Soviet flags from the surface of the moon....
Expires: 24th May 2012
Two or Four Spider-Vein Treatments at Laser Gentle Medical Spa (Up to 80% Off)
Seventeenth-century shipping routes drastically improved once navigators began referring to actual maps of waterways instead of the veins on their...
Expires: 23rd May 2012
